Friday, January 06, 2006

Wednesday One-Liners

Queer: You know what I completely forgot people worry about? Getting pregnant.
--The Slide, Bowery

Guy: Dude, have you ever tried to jack off twice in 20 minutes?
--Columbia University

Guy: Dude, I'm not allergic to cats when I'm drunk.
--PATH train

Woman: That's the way New York is; it's a contact sport.
--Penn Station

Old woman: My mother kept saying that she wants to have carpet installed over her stone floors, but I don't think that's such a good idea. She's incontinent, and as I always say, 'carpeting and
incontinence do not belong in the same sentence!'
--Office, 66th & York

Girl: I'll have an everything bagel, scooped out and toasted with five egg whites and extra cheese but not too much extra cheese that it's gooping out, just like one slice more than you normally would use. Oh, and make sure the eggs are well done.
--Pick a Bagel on Third, 3rd Avenue

Stewardess on intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, we know it's hot. We're hoping to have you underway as soon as we can. In the meantime, if you'll reach into the seat pocket in front of you and remove the safety information card, you'll find that it makes a nice fan.
--Airtran plane, LaGuardia

JAP: I like, didn't even know I had a middle name until my bat-mitzvah.
--53rd & 8th

Chick on cell: I guess it's must be a cultural thing. I mean, maybe it doesn't smell to them.
--86th & Lexington

Girl: Like, I tried anorexia last year, and I only lasted, like, six months.
--Stuyvesant High School, Chambers Street

Bag lady: Come here! Come here, you fuckin' bitch! Are you too good to give your fucking wife a hug? Come here, fucking bitch!
--23rd & Madison


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