Monday, January 08, 2007

WAYS A BUCKEYE CAN KILL A GATOR

1) A Buckeye could fall off of a tree, striking the Gator on the head, causing a massive brain hemorrhage.

2) A Buckeye could roll down a large hill, striking the Gator with enough force to cause it to tumble off of a cliff and fall 13 stories into a pit full of stalagmites.

3) A Buckeye could fall from a tree with enough force to pull the trigger on a taser, shocking the Gator and rendering its nervous system useless.

4) A Buckeye could befriend John Glenn and use his political ties to sentence a Gator to death by the electric chair.

5) A Buckeye could be launched from a slingshot, enter the left nostril of a Gator, lodging itself in the breathing passages, causing death.

6) A Buckeye could be sucked up into a vacuum cleaner, rewire the inside of it, turning the vacuum into a flamethrower, and then torch the Gator.

7) A Buckeye could bond with enough hydrogen to create an H-Bomb and then detonate itself over top of a Gator.

8) A Buckeye falling from a tree could be struck by the swinging baseball bat of OSU graduate Nick Swisher down the gullet of a Gator, puncturing all internal organs and eventually ripping out of the tail, into another Gator.

9) A Buckeye could be launched out of a Civil War cannon, striking the Gator between the third and forth ribs, blowing it backwards into a tree causing an avalanche of other Buckeyes onto its cranium.

10) A Buckeye can roll into a rock, which will roll into a larger rock, which will roll into a small woodland animal, which will roll into a larger woodland animal, which will roll into a larger rock, which will roll into a boulder, which will roll into a Gator, causing immediate death.

11) A Buckeye could fall from a tree striking a near by lumberjack causing him to fall with his axe causing a non-agreed-upon amputation of the Gator's tail.

12) A Buckeye can be struck with a golf club by Happy Gilmore which is then swallowed by a Gator. Happy Gilmore would then jump on the Gator, kill it, and remove the Buckeye.

13) A Gator could follow a trail of Buckeyes into the forest where it gets lassoed by a cowboy and cooked for dinner that night.

14) A Buckeye could lacquer itself in the AIDS virus then tempt a Gator into licking it, thus infecting it with the virus. The Gator will continue to mate, spreading the virus and the eventual death of many Gators.

15) A Buckeye Could be swept up into a tornado and spun circularly at high velocities striking the gator in the groin upon every revolution.

16) A Gator could step on a Buckeye, consequently losing its balance and tumbling into a volcano.

17) A Buckeye could fall from a passing airplane, cruise to the ground at terminal velocity, upon striking the ground create an Earthquake. The Gator would then fall between the splitting sections on the Earth's Crust.

18) A Buckeye could fall on the head on a ferocious lion, angering him. He turns to see a passing Gator and promptly rips its face off.

19) The Woodland Buckeye could call upon its friend the Peanut Butter & Chocolate Buckeye. It could tempt the Gator into eating it, raising its glucose level to the point of death (especially diabetic Gators)

20) A Buckeye could roll down a snowy mountain creating a large snowball, strike a Gator mid-way down, continue its descent packing the Gator within the orb of snow, freezing it to death.

21) A Buckeye could be taken into space by Ohioan Neil Armstrong. Neil could then throw the Buckeye from the Moon. The Buckeye would suspend itself within the Asteroid Belt. Strange activity within the belt could lead to a meteor shower, in which this same Buckeye is propelled to the earth at supersonic speeds, striking a Gator, going through the earth, shattering dead Gator corpses along the way until it comes out the other side of the Earth striking another Gator in China.

22) One of Jungle Jack Hanna's stray bonobos could pick up and fling a Buckeye at the inner ear of a Gator. The Gator looses its balance and falls into large crevasse in the earth, perishing.

23) A Buckeye could fall from a tree, breaking the repeat button on a boom box, causing it to play the same Spice Girls song for 13 hours until the Gator finally kills itself.

24) A Buckeye could fall into a drain pipe, clogging the passage of any water, backing it up and causing a vast amount of underground pressure, before erupting in a geiser right under a Gator, launching it into the atmosphere, where it burns up.

25) A Buckeye could fall from a tree, striking a scientist who then drops a flask of unknown solution onto a Gator that causes a mutation in the Gator, making it deathly allergic to water. It dies upon returning to its home.

26) A Buckeye could roll down a hill with enough force to push a burning couch from South Campus into a Gator, killing it instantly.

27) A Buckeye could lure a Gator onto Campus where he will surely be subsequently struck by a campus bus.

28) A Buckeye could tumble, repeatedly striking sides of a mountain, eroding the outer shell of the nut into a razor-sharp blade before in implants itself into the brain of a Gator below.

29) A Buckeye could be used as a target for a training gunman. Slyly the Buckeye rolls out of the way, avoiding the barrage of gunfire. The projectiles continue their path until a unsuspecting Gator is riddled with bullets.

30) A Buckeye could fall onto the "up" end of a see-saw, propelling a Gator from the "down" end 3.4 miles into a quicksand pit, where it would sink to its death.

31) A Buckeye could tell a Gator that it is fat. Thus distorting its body image and causing it to become anorexic. Soon the Gator would become weak and susceptible to an attack by chipmunks wielding more Buckeyes. This attack and its weak ego would end the Gator.

32) A Buckeye could drop from its perch down onto a Private Investigator who throws his magnifying glass in agony which gets caught in a tree branch. The suns rays are thus magnified onto a single point of a nearby sleeping Gator, who is roasted from the inside out.

33) A Buckeye could be picked up by a large wind and strike a Semi-Truck hauling radioactive waste. This causes the semi-Truck to jackknife and spill its haul into a lagoon. A local Gator suddenly finds the new "glowyness" of the lagoon to be attractive so he gets in and disintegrates

34) A Buckeye could strike the exposed noggin of a man mowing grass. The blow renders him unconscious, and as he falls he flips the mower into automatic and it runs over a Gator, slicing him into pieces.

35) A Buckeye could be used as a prop by an amateur magician. The Magician makes the Buckeye disappear then reappear. With his budding confidence he tries the feat with a Gator. No such luck.

36) A Buckeye could be shot out of a .45, ricochet off a brick wall and down the throat of an unsuspecting gator. It clogs the Gator's anus and back clogs its waste until it dies from poop poisoning.

37) A Buckeye and a Gator could be the only two items on a deserted island. A recent castaway comes to the island. Since Buckeyes are poisoness, he would choose to kill and eat the Gator.

38) A Buckeye could bounce into the snorkel of a lake swimmer, in his panic for oxygen, the swimmer lashes out in the water with a knife stabbing a Gator in the throat.

39) A Buckeye, cellophane wrap, and rubber bands could be used in a Physics class as a lab experiment for parachuting. The parachute could be blown off course and into a nearby swamp where the cellophane is unbelievably rubber banded around a Gators face. The Buckeye watches in amusement as the Gator suffocates.

40) A Buckeye could be sitting on a bike path, a man driving a Segway could come down the path, accidentally run over the Buckeye, sending his Segway spiraling out of control into an electric pole. The pole then falls into a neighboring bog, sending out a wave of electricity across the murky water, frying a Gator.

41) A Buckeye casually floating in the ocean could be thrown by a wave striking a seamen in the eye. The seamen then inadvertently fires his harpoon and it strikes a Gator in the abdomen.

42) A Buckeye could cross the path of a security laser grid causing a piano to drop in the area of the grid, smashing a napping Gator, however, an Eagle swooped down and removed the Buckeye just in time.

43) A Buckeye could strike a construction worker in the temple. This construction worker was in charge of cement. The incident made the worker spill his barrel of cement down a hill toward a sleeping Gator. When the Gator awoke its feet would get stuck in a block of concrete. The Gator would not able to move and it would starve to death.

44) A Buckeye could pierce the windshield of a Bud Light truck sending it careening of an over pass, upon crashing it leaks Bud Light into a lake, where a Gator becomes dangerously addicted to alcohol and dies with a Blood Alcohol Content of 2.00.

45) A Buckeye could be used as a substitute for toilet paper causing a woodsmen to emit a deafening scream of pain loud enough to create a stampede of wild animals, which stomp a slower-than-the-other-animals Gator to death.

46) A Man could use a Buckeye as soap and attract many fine, fine ladies. The Gator, thinking this is a good idea, does the same, he then gets run over by a passing Chevy Tahoe.

47) A Buckeye could strike the head of a dentist working on the Gator's teeth, causing him to inadvertently drop the "Sucky Tube Thing" down its throat, where the powerful suction could pull the Gator's liver up into its throat, causing a slow, painful death.

48) A Buckeye could land in the blowhole of a giant whale, causing it to become beached. As a team as specialized marine biologists attempt to roll the beastly mammal back into the water, a passing gator finds comfort in the shade created next to the whale. As the whale rolls over back towards the water, the Gator is crushed to death.

49) A morbidly obese Columbus resident could go vacationing to Florida during bikini season. He brings with him many Buckeyes to distribute through the new land. When he takes off his shirt the Floridians pick up his Buckeyes and throw them at him. These actions knock the man into a stupor and he falls on top of a Gator, crushing it.

50) A Buckeye could lure a Gator into living in Mirror Lake, where it would understandably mutate into a huge Godzilla-like beast and authorities would shoot the Mega-Gator to death with several bazookas.

51) A light autumn breeze could cause a Buckeye to lightly tap the trunk of an oak tree causing a chain reaction of destruction within the structure of the tree, toppling it over onto an unsuspecting Gator.

52) A Buckeye could fall on a latch opening the cage of a large Burmese Python, which slithers across a pond before finally snacking on a Gator.

53) A Buckeye could be the first item used in a Rube Goldberg device. The Buckeye would be rolled into a series of dominos. The last domino will trigger a series of balances that will allow a bucket of water to be poured down a slide. The weight of the water in the slide will trigger a pulley that will fire a shotgun, murdering a Gator.

54) A Buckeye could be sent back in time by an experimenter and fall on an X-Ray machine causing it to make a nearby Gator go sterile just before he was going to reproduce with his mate, this causes a Gator who is alive in the present to have never existed.

55) A Buckeye could drop on a clothesline, releasing a red pair of silk boxer shorts onto a Gator below. A nearby Bull goes on a wild rampage, repeatedly goring the red-boxershorted-Gator to death.

56) A Buckeye could lure a Gator into the Conservatory where Colonel Mustard promptly delivers a crushing blow to the skull with a candlestick.

57) A Buckeye could be swept up in a gust of wind, striking the pilot of a hospital helicopter which accidentally dumps its cargo of used medical syringes into the swamp below. A Gator living in the swamp contracts twelve cases of hepatitis and dies shortly thereafter.

58) A Buckeye could fall from a tree and collide with a freshly brewed pot of McDonalds coffee. The coffee then is spilled onto a Gator, scalding the Gator to death and making his corpse smell like a cappuccino.

59) A Buckeye could descend onto the head of a woman picnicking in the park causing her to lose control of her plastic fork which soars through the air before stabbing a Gator in the Achilles heel, killing it instantly.

60) A Gator and a Buckeye walk into a bar. The Gator gets lynched and dies

61) A Buckeye could strike a Trick or Treater of Halloween causing the youngster's hat and broom to fall onto a Gator. Three days later, the still dressed up Gator is burned at the stake for being a witch.

62) A Buckeye could depress a plunger, exploding enough TNT to propel a Gator seven furlongs into a small town, where it is ran over by a south-bound freight train.

63) A Buckeye could lure a Gator into eating at Kennedy Commons, thereby giving in a case of food poisoning, while the Gator is resting to regain strength, Wile E Coyote accidently drops an anvil on it, killing it.

64) A Gator and Bobby Fischer could bet their lives on a game of chess. As the Gator attempts to move his bishop to Queen's Rook 7, a Buckeye falls out of a tree above, knocking over the Gator's King. The Gator is then killed for being the loser.

65) Unbeknownst to many, a Gator was actually the seventh wife of King Henry VIII. 12 seconds after they were married, a Buckeye descends from a tree, striking the Gator in its head, and causing the Gator's veil and wig to fall off. Distraught over this embarrassment, King Henry has the Gator sent to the Guillotine and beheaded.

66) A Gator could engage the Devil in a high stakes battle of fiddle playing, a Buckeye drops onto the Gator's fiddle, striking it in the precise place causing it to only be able to play G Sharp. This causes the Gator to lose the match, sentencing his soul to eternal damnation.

67) A Buckeye could lure a Gator into a dark alley where a team of nunchucking ninjas could emerge and pummel the Gator to death with relentless blows to its solar plexes.

68) A Buckeye could fall from a tree, knocking a bee hive from its perch, disturbing an entire colony of Killer Bees which then attack the first live organism they see, a nearby Gator, stinging it over and over until it ceases to be.

69) A Gator could stub its toe on a Buckeye, causing an ingrown toenail, the toenail then becomes massively infected and spreads throughout the entire Gator, before it finally dies.

70) A Buckeye could be carried by an unladen swallow. Due strictly to the principle of weight ratios, the unladen swallow drops the Buckeye. This Buckeye falls to the Earth crushing the spine of a Gator below. This herniates two discs in the Gator's neck not allowing him to move. Without the proper chiropractic care the Gator starves.

71) A Buckeye could roll into military base and trigger a skin piercing laser. This laser is initially pointing at a relaxed Gator. The laser burns the Gator's stomach and causes his appendix to rupture, ending the Gator.

72) A Buckeye could roll down a carpeted slope, building up mucho static electricity, it then rolls up to a Gator and discharges, shocking the Gator with enough force to stop its heart.

73) A Buckeye could be blown by a gust of wind and strike a nearby welder. The welder is startled and accidentally blow torches a Gator. The Gator unaware of the Stop, Drop, and Roll technique, cremates himself.

74) A Buckeye could fall from a tree and wallop the nose of a Gator below. The low-platletted Gator is unable to get its nose to stop bleeding and eventually bleeds to death.

75) A Buckeye could be thrown at a Circus Performing Juggler. This causes him to inadvertently lose control over 2 of his 5 chain saws. Both chain saws fly through the air and dice the Gator into 3 equal sections.

76) A Buckeye could lure a Gator into a castle. Once in the castle the Gator accidentally makes contact with a resident Goomba. Obviously this causes the Gator to shrink to half-size. Stunned by this transformation the Gator unintentionally touches a Koopa Troopa, killing himself.

77) A Buckeye could strategically locate a banana peel, causing a Gator to slip on it, sending the Gator careening off a cliff.

78) A Buckeye could challenge a Gator to BASE jumping. The Buckeye would comfortably nestle itself into the lush grass of the knoll below. The Gator dives off and impales himself on a flagpole in the center of the knoll.

79) A Buckeye could push down, back, and B, sending out an ice beam, freezing a Gator in place and lower its energy bar to nill. Then the Buckeye could execute a 6 button combo, performing a soul stealing Fatality, watching in amusement as the lifeless Gator slumps over...a flawless victory.

80) A Gator could fall asleep on a trampoline. A copious number of Buckeye could simultaneously fall on said trampoline, catapulting the Gator 5279 feet into the sky where it is horizontally struck and killed by a descending blimp.

81) A futuristically dressed man driving a Warthog could inadvertently drive over a Buckeye, sending the man flipping over the steering wheel out onto the ground. The man then rolls down a hill, and on his last revolution, his plasma sword comes in contact with the right hind leg of a Gator, killing him instantly.

82) A Buckeye could roll down a hill striking a van belonging to a band of deep sea divers. The van flips over dumping three dozen air tanks into a lagoon. Jagged rocks in the lagoon slice small holes in the air tanks, introducing high pressure nitrogen into the water. A Gator living in that water breathes in a great deal of nitrogen and later dies from an untreated case of "The Bends"

83) A Gator could take a trip from Dublin to Gahanna on 270 North, after his visit, he gets on 270 South to return home, as that seems to make sense to the Gator. About three miles out of his home, a stray Buckeye is kicked up by a semi-truck cracking the windshield of the Gator's mid-sized sedan. The body shop guy tells the Gator this incident could have been avoided because he was actually supposed to take 270 North to return home as well. This infuriation leads the Gator to draft and propose legislation to congress to change the city-circling loop to 270 clockwise and 270 counter-clockwise to avoid confusion. For this proposal, the Gator is assassinated by a group of Columbus Radicals, as things in Ohio do not have to make sense.

84) A Gator could go to the vet for a refill of his medication. A Buckeye crashes through the window, knocking three Vallium capsules into the Gator's diuretic, along with the remains of the Doctor's Capri Sun. These three substances cause several violent reactions and result in an accidental overdose for the Gator.

85) A Buckeye could fall from a tree above a World War II museum removing a sticker from a fully restored German U-Boat that says "This Boat Has Nuclear Missiles". The sticker lays on the ground, sticky-end up until a passing Gator steps on it. The sticker bonds to the Gator's foot. Upon returning home to the Atlantic Ocean, an alert Admiral aboard an American sub sees the sticker and quickly launches a torpedo at the moving object. On impact, the torpedo explodes the Gator.

85) A Buckeye could fall on a Gator with enough force to send it into a Catatonic State. A passerby then mistakes the Gator for being dead and gives it a proper burial. When the Gator returns to reality, it suffocates.

86) A Gator and a Turtle could come in contact with a secret ooze. The Gator mutates into Croc Gobblesmith and aligns himself with Shredder. The Turtle mutates into Salvador Dali and aligns himself with Splinter. Salvador Dali's weapon of choice is the Sharpened Buckeye Ninja Stars. In an epic confrontation, Dali whisks multiple Buckeye Ninja Stars into Croc Gobblesmith's innards, which causes his death due to internal bleeding.

87) A Gator could accidentally swallow a large industrial grade magnet. A Buckeye then falls, striking a second industrial grade magnet with enough force to reverse its polarity, thereby attracting the magnet in the Gator's digestive system and leaving the Gator trapped twelve stories in the air, stuck to the underside of a construction site's magnetic crane, until it passes on.

88) A Buckeye could be booted by former Dolphins place kicker Ray Finkle. The Buckeye would then strike a wandering Gator. The Gator, angry over this incident, attacks Finkle, but Finkle would kill the Gator and throw it over a balcony.

89) A Gator could be offering a specimen for a drug test. A Buckeye could fly through a window and strike the Gator directly in its Whizzinator 5000, exposing the Gator as a heroin addict. After the Gator goes to rehab he becomes addicted to the less lethal crack cocaine which later causes a heart attack, cardiac arrest, and death.

90) A Gator could order a box of Buckeyes off of Ebay. The Buckeyes are shipped in a tremendous amount of bubble wrap. Upon opening the package, the Gator begins to pop the bubbles. One pop leads to six, which leads to a sheet, before long the Gator is rolling around on the bubble wrap. The Gator accidently swallows some, trying to pop it with its teeth, and dies.

91) A Street Performer could hypnotize a Gator with a twirling Buckeye on a string. The man then instructs the Gator to pretend he is a Bear. Three seconds into the act, the Gator's leg is snapped in a bear trap and it dies from excessive blood loss.

More destruction coming soon

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TOP 10 MEMBER POSTED WAYS TO KILL A GATOR

1) A boy Buckeye tree and a girl Buckeye tree meet one night in a bar. One thing leads to another as the tequilla keeps flowing, ultimately ending up with a germinated Buckeye in the neighbor's front yard. Over the next 50 years the germinated Buckeye grows to a mighty height at which point the neighbor decides to have him cut down and milled into lumber.

The lumber gets sold to a contractor in Florida who uses it to build a brand new housing development on what was the Gator's habitat. The Gator, having nowhere to live, moves to NYC where he becomes a prostitute and dies of syphilis shortly there after.
Tim Slocum - Utah

2) A Buckeye and a Gator could have a staring contest. The Gator would eventually grow really old and die of a heart attack due to its frustration over its inability to get the Buckeye to blink.
Marc Bridon - Ohio State

3) Chuck Norris could round house kick a Buckeye falling from a tree right between a Gator's eyes causing severe head trauma and instant death.
Austin Hamilton - Mount Vernon High School

4) A pewter Buckeye could lure the Gator to Boardwalk thereby bankrupting the Gator, causing him to commit suicide.
Laura Mawhorr - Ohio State

5) A Buckeye, inspired by Hulk Hogan, could simply perform the Big Boot/Leg Drop combo thus instantly killing the Gator.
Jonathan Clem - Ohio State

6) A Buckeye could use a computer to hack into the global computers for the Save the Wild Life Foundations that have trackers implanted in Gators. It could then use a script to short out the devices and shock the Gators to death, incidently killing them with the same devices meant to save them.
Sam Thompson - Bowling Green

7) A Buckeye could tell P Diddy a Gator didn't vote, thus resulting in Diddy putting a slug in a gator.
Andrew Stuck - Ohio State

8) A Buckeye could fall off the tree, roll down a hill and float across the ocean to Austrailia where it was placed on Steve Irwin's grave, bringing him back to life... where upon he changed his name to the "Gator Hunter." Instead of wrestling them he actually hunts them, strangling the gator to death with his bare hands
Ryan Rohlfs - Moeller High School

9) A Buckeye could fall into the eye-piece of a telescope used by the look-outs on the Titanic, thus causing them to not see the huge iceberg. A passing Gator would then be crushed between the massive ship and the iceberg causing frostbite to one half of the Gator and piercing one of the Gator's lungs...this causes a lot of pain for the Gator until a chandelier from the ship falls and pierces the other lung. Then the Gator dies.
Leslie Muhlenkamp - Ohio University

10) A Buckeye could arrange for a Gator to be the hunting partner of Dick Cheney. Need I say more.
Alex Rhinehart - Wilmington OH

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